I know suicides happen often around the holidays...
(and no, I'm not feeling suicidal, and nobody around me has committed suicide)
SUICIDE
You miss-planned it, don't you know
It's not a simple way to go.
You have left behind a mess
leaving everyone to guess.
As if their loss would not be grieved
Feeling guilty and bereaved
Those who loved you, left behind
with no sense of peace of mind.
It's quite selfish of you, truly
Leaving them behind so cruelly.
© drc 2005
THE VIOLENCE OF EATING
(and no, I'm not a vegetarian)
If we're not vegetarians,
Our meal begins with slaughter.
We kill it, cook it, serve it to
our spouse, our son, our daughter...
An animal is killed
and then it's cut up to be fried
(or baked or grilled, or broiled or boiled)
but either way; it died.
And once it has been cooked "to taste"
the knives come out again
to slice and dice and chop and mince
the vegetables, and then
We spoon the food from pot to plate
and with a fork we stab it
We cut it into tiny bites
and with our teeth we grab it
From there, it's chewed to nothingness,
then swallowed and digested
and what is not absorbed within
is to the sewer divested.
Either way (with meat or not)
just eating food is violent
I know it sounds ridiculous
but I could not be silent.
© drc 2005
HOW CONDITIONAL?
If you really saw
what I thought in my heart
Would you still approve?
Exposed may not be smart.
If you had a clue
how my mind truly bends
Would you shrink away
from the message it sends?
The twists and the corners
so dark and disturbed
Would you accept me
if my thoughts were not curbed?
© drc 2005
photo credit via link
SUDDENLY: STRINGS
How is it that fantasy started to hurt?
Perhaps when I found it was shared.
And when did the fantasies start to distress?
When his voice told me how much he cared.
© drc 2005
THE WIND, IT BLOWS
The wind: it blows
and doors will close
from ice and snows
as coldness grows
Freezing the nose,
it nips at toes
'til home one goes
as one half-froze
We pull out throws
to cuddle and doze
in warm repose
'til Springtime shows
For no one knows
how long the woes
as time: it slows
while winter blows
©drc 2005
WHERE I WANT TO BE
At a coffee house
listening to soft jazz,
eating a turkey wrap
with avocado and alfalfa sprouts
...
and a fancy salad
with mixed greens,
tomatoes,
and crumbled feta cheese.
Sitting on a comfy couch
amid old, broken statues,
draped burgundy fabric,
Roman columns,
covered with climbing vines
hanging plants,
ficus trees and palms,
and hearing water
gurgling over smooth stones
in a blue-green oxidized brass fountain
Drinking a "froo-froo" coffee for dessert
and thinking of you
©drc 2005
PASSING JUDGMENT
Do not judge me
before you have
walked in my shoes
Do not call me bad names
just because you so choose
You have no understanding
of what I've been through
so please don't expect me
to be just like you.
©drc 2005
PASSING JUDGMENT
Do not judge them
before you have
walked in their shoes
Do not call them bad names
just because you so choose
You have no understanding
of what they've been through
so please don't expect them
to be just like you.
©drc 2005
I am not one to be paranoid that I am going to die, but
in mid-2004, shortly after
my son was born, I had some major medical problems - hemorraging, and
tremendous inexplicable undiagnosed pain that no number of shots or
medication in the ER
would alleviate (and they tried them all, simultaneously!) There
was a time, when I went to the Emergency
room (for the nth time) feeling weak from blood loss, dizzy and
faint with pain, that I seriously did not know if I would ever see my
family again. Thankfully, although never diagnosed, I did get better.
photo credit via link
UNFINISHED BUSINESS
I remember,
I do,
what it was like
to be talking with loved ones
I thought
I might never see again.
I know the feeling:
what it was like
to look at them and wonder
if I would see
my infant son grow up, or
my teenaged daughter get married, or
my husband be happy again
I remember
so vividly
searching for the words
and knowing that nothing
would fully express
my soul's deepest hopes
or feelings
Nothing could explain
the enormous amount of love
and pained anguish
behind
"Take good care of your little brother..."
-or-
"I trust you with my children..."
-or-
"Your mommy loves you, sweetie,
even if you may never remember me..."
and that
in the long run
my words would fade
and their lives would go on.
I haven't forgotten
what it was like
to not know
if I
was going to make it
or if their last view of me
would be
that moment
and from there on out
they would have to live without me.
All the things
I wanted to do in my life
and hadn't accomplished
did not even matter
compared to
missing out
on my children's lives.
You never know
what may happen
or when
Are you ready?
Or do you have
unfinished business?
© drc 2005
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