October 24, 2005

• I am not one to be paranoid that I am going to die, but
  in mid-2004, shortly after
  my son was born, I had some major medical problems - hemorraging, and
  tremendous inexplicable undiagnosed pain that no number of shots or
  medication in the ER 
  would alleviate (and they tried them all, simultaneously!)  There
  was a time, when I went to the Emergency
  room (for the nth time) feeling weak from blood loss, dizzy and
  faint with pain, that I seriously did not know if I would ever see my
  family again.  Thankfully, although never diagnosed, I did get better.
  
  
  photo credit via link

  UNFINISHED BUSINESS

  I remember,
  I do,
  what it was like
  to be talking with loved ones
  I thought
  I might never see again.

  I know the feeling:
  what it was like
  to look at them and wonder
  if I would see
  my infant son grow up, or
      my teenaged daughter get married, or
          my husband be happy again

  I remember

  so vividly

  searching for the words

  and knowing that nothing

  would fully express

  my soul's deepest hopes

  or feelings

  Nothing could explain

  the enormous amount of love
  and pained anguish

  behind

  "Take good care of your little brother..."
      -or-

  "I trust you with my children..."
      -or-
  "Your mommy loves you, sweetie,
      even if you may never remember me..."

  and that

  in the long run

  my words would fade

  and their lives would go on.

  I haven't forgotten

  what it was like

  to not know

  if I

  was going to make it

  or if their last view of me
  would be
      that moment
  and from there on out
  they would have to live without me.

  All the things
  I wanted to do in my life
  and hadn't accomplished
  did not even matter
  compared to
  missing out
  on my children's lives.

  You never know
  what may happen

      or when

  Are you ready?

  Or do you have
  unfinished business?

  © drc 2005
   

  • 1:34 am
  • 4 Comments