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  • MY RUNAWAY MUSE

    It slipped away from me.
    You know it did.
    I wasn't paying attention
    and my muse got bored.

    I am hoping
    that it will return
    once over its carousing
    from one holiday party to another
    each of which it attended
    without me.

    Perhaps I am fortunate.
    A pleasant beginning.

    No party.
    no hangover.

    When it comes back,
    to sleep it off,
    I imagine I may have to think

    softly.

    © drc 2007
      


  • photo credit via link (altered for color)

    LET ME SEE IT!

    Show me you want me
    Ask..
    beg...     DEMAND
    Show me the
    lust
    let me see it firsthand

    I want to hear
    Rawness, and urgency;
    NEED
    (I want you to
    even be willing to plead.)

    And no, I'm not
    asking
    that you be depraved
    I am merely
    stating
              I want to be CRAVED.

    © 11/22/06 


  • photo credit via link

    TO ACHIEVE...

    I saw you
    you wanted it, didn't you.

    I saw the look in your eyes.
    I felt the want,
    behind the curtain of your uncertainty

    Yes,
    I could draw you out
    but I would rather
    watch you
    as you bring yourself out of hiding

    I would rather
    see you unfold those wings
    and view
    the glorious, fierce colors
    as you gather your self assurance
    when you finally choose
    to make your move.

    I will watch
    from where I am,
    and exult in your conquest
    when you succeed.

    © drc 2006
     

  • I know... it's been a while... I write in spurts... maybe something is coming soon.  We can only hope.  


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    I MUST CONFESS

    Before I melt completely
    from the passion in your eyes
    Let me know that I can trust you
    and between us are no lies

    Before you slake my hunger
    and that burning of desire
    I need to know there's safety
    should these sparks turn into fire.

    Before I let you take me
    to the heights, I must confess
    I've wanted you forever
    (and I'll never want you less.)

    © drc 2006

     


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    I FOUND THE SCREAM
    © drc 1997


    I found the scream that welled within
    upon the thought of trying

    yet again
    to be vulnerable.

    It swelled up in a growl:
    a fierce, dark bowl of fury

    of pain.

    a near-vomiting,
    ug    ly sound

    writhing and slithering
    yet
    ripping and shredding my lungs
    with raw
    and horrible
    sounds.

    An unearthly, screeching groan
    with such an ugly face behind it.


    a dying
    cry

    RAW

    that feels like
    being skinned alive

    and then covered with alcohol
    a    nd then

    being lit by a match

    I will NOT be vulnerable AGAIN.

    I WILL NOT!

    I found that scream,
    but I did not let it out.

    It was too horrible to be heard
    even by me.

    © drc 1997

  • a repost...


    photo credit via link

    THE CONFINES OF CONFORMITY

    The freedom of want
                vs.
    The chains of should

    What I crave
            vs.

     What I am told
    is "good for me"

    Who is anyone else
        to tell me what is
    good for me?

    What do they know
        of what is underneath it all?
    What do they know
        of the total makeup
                of me?

    Why would they even venture to assume
        that what makes them happy
            would be the answer
        to my unhappiness as
    well?

    And I don't mean their suggestions,
        I mean their expectations
           that I follow those suggestions -
            and their disappointment
                when I don't.

    But...
        if I followed their formulas
        I would be playing myself false.

    I know.
    I've tried.
     I have!

    But in an attempt to explain,
        I encounter only judgment
            and
    pity
                or
            blank incomprehension
        in their eyes
    despite their empty words
        of consolation
        and acceptance.

    I have let them down.

     I am offered solutions
    but if they don't fit me...
        ...if I don't use them
    then I become rejected.
    I don't "measure up."

              Why?

    I simply don't fit 
    within the confines of
    conformity.

    Am I destined forever
            to be
    a lonely group of one?

    © drc 01/05/2004
       

  • Ever just get sick of people second-guessing you or making assumptions and judgments about your decisions based solely on their opinions, when they don't even know all the facts?  Augh.


    photo credit via link

    AT ODDS

    I make my decisions
    and I sure don't need
    all of your criticisms
    on my every deed.

    So, you disagree with me
    that is your right
    but I do not wish
    to get into a fight.
     
    We quite clearly stand
    either side of the fence
    and I frankly don't care
    if you think it makes sense.

    Don't make me defensive

    I loathe when you do.

    I'll make my own choice

    I don't answer to you!

    © drc 2006

  • MY DESIDERATA

    Kween_of_the_Queens Challenge:

    Writing a letter to your younger self.  What would you say to your younger self?  What advice would you give?  Would you offer tips for changing a certain situation?

    011305-3c2 Writing this ... made me cry.  It feels somewhat like a full circuit to write it - A strange feeling of "I have already read it before" (and I hadn't even written it yet, untilnow... or maybe writing it now actually did go back ... who knows?)  As it came out, I realized that it is what came from within me as a child, but as though spoken to me from an outside source.  From God, if you will.  It is a spirituality  I intimately understood, but had no words to express.  It was a comfort I had thankfully already discovered and clung to - sometimes desperately - when the time came.

    The photos below, are of me when I was three years old ... What I call my "Before" pictures.  The only ones I have of me that were young enough to be "Before" pictures, but old enough to understand at least the gist of what was being said around / to me.  Who was to know that so very shortly - within the year - after these were taken, the course of my life would be altered forever.

    Dear, sweet little girl in the yellow dress,

    girl32 I love you. 

    You are smart, and bright, insatiably curious - and you breathe freedom, and the joy of life.

    Hold onto that, and never let it go.

    Oh sweetie, there are going to be some big, and terrible things in your young life - very soon.  Too soon, little one.  And they are so much bigger than you or anyone else who loves you will be able to understand.  What happens will be confusing, and it will tear you apart inside, and try to destroy you and you aren't going to understand why. 

    Kiddo, I still don't understand why... There are some sick, sick people in the world, baby girl.  It isn't fair, and it's not your fault! 

    For a long, long time, you aren't going to understand even what exactly happened or why you feel so bad in so many ways about so many things because of it. But you need to know you will make it through.

    Remember you are strong. Turn your pain into energy, and motivation. 

    People will let you down.  Even people you think know everything, and who are supposed to be there for you, and protect you... They'll let you down.  They won't be there.  They will try, but they won't be able to figure out how to help you. You won't want to believe that. It will hurt. What you go through, you will have to get through on your own, alone.  And it's going to be very, very hard, because you are so very very young - but YOU CAN DO IT.

    Remember that the earth has ears and eyes, and the very biggest heart -  and it is your personal gift from God.

    When you feel as though nobody in the universe is helping you out, and realize you must go it alone, remember to look around you, and listen - to see, and hear; to feel, and absorb the love; and to learn. 

    Always, always learn.  Learn from everything.

    girl22 See the mountains, snowcaps and volcanoes, little one?  Look closely, they will show you their faces.  Learn their personalities, and feel their strength.  Know they are watching over you, and you can be strong, like they are. You can stand firm. 

    And when one of them erupts, let them help express your soul.

    Listen. 

    Do you hear the water rushing in the quebradas, in the creeks, and the rivers?  When you feel like you can't go on anymore, go sit there, put your feet in the water. Let it wash your pain and sadness away.  Let it soothe your soul.

    Find joy.

    When it rains, my cherished one, go outside. Don't hide from it.  Let the sky cry  your tears.  Turn your face up, and feel in the touch and caress of the raindrops just how very much you are loved. 

    Never ... NEVER doubt you are loved.

    When you are feeling lonely: Walk ... and talk.  Talk to the trees.  Talk to the hills, and the mountains.  Talk to the valleys, and rivers.  Talk to the birds and the insects, and the wild animals. 

    Don't keep it inside.  Even if people can't understand and nobody will listen to you, nature will listen. Pour it all out on nature's shoulders.

    Feel the wind, the breeze surrounding you and carrying the words from your lips, and the leaves rustling in understanding.  When you rest against a tree, sense it holding you up and supporting you, and feel its strength, coming from the earth below... coming from those strong mountains... drinking from that rushing river...

    Nature is all connected, and it's all there for you. The earth will not go away. Anywhere you touch it, you will be touching all of it ... and all of it will be touching you back, and you can draw from that strength and be strong.

    girl12 Honey, Life is hard, but You are Fierce. 

    Be fierce.

    Find a way to make everything a learning experience, and

        Hang on,

            Tenaciously,

                to Joy.

                   
     


  • photo credit via link

    I THOUGHT OF YOU

    I thought of you
    when the sun rose
    and broke the night sky
    into peach and pink and periwinkle...
    and I felt the lonely emptiness
    of you not at my side.

    I thought of you
    and felt my soul reach
    over the miles and through the barriers
    in a quietly painful attempt
    to find     the consolation
    of your presence.

    I thought of you
    and felt the longing
    for that sense of completeness
    and absolute acceptance
    that I always have
    when we are together.

    I thought of you
    and I asked the stars
    to watch over your steps
    and carry your dreams
    and for the wind to caress you
    since I could not.

    I thought of you
    but I was here
    and you were there
    and reach as my soul might
    my feet stayed planted
    and my heart ached instead.

    © drc 2006