November 30, 2007

• ACROSS THE ROOM

  
  photo credit via link edited for color by drc
  

  ACROSS THE ROOM

  It’s been so long.
  So many years
  we’ve known the attraction
  and felt
  
  that overwhelming yearning
  welling-up within
  at the very thought of each
  other…

  You know how I feel.
  You know
  that when I am alone
  my mind glides
  over the thought of you…
  and the things we have shared between us.

  I know how you feel.
  I know…

  But you
  have made your
  commitments,
  and so 
  have I.

  And we both know
  No one else can be privy
  to our private longings.

  Oh…
  but that moment.
  I couldn’t help it.

  After so long
  finally in the same room together.

  The greeting…
  the kiss on the cheek…

  All I could do 
  when my
  cheek finally touched yours
  was breathe
  a barely-audible

  “Oh my god…”

  because the electricity I felt between us
  was enough to melt
  even the
  staunchest of reserve.

  I couldn’t breathe
  I desperately
  didn’t want to move away.

  I wanted to stay there
  my cheek pressed to yours,
  and whisper all those
  things in your ear…
  to change that innocuous kiss hello
  into a caress
  of your chin
  with my lips,
  which would inevitably lead
  my lips to
  yours…

  That tiny moment of contact
  overwhelmed me
  with thoughts
  of all the
  urgent intimacies…

  all the
  breathless moments of passion
  we both know…

  and we both knew
  that at that very moment
  we were dying to share them.

  But protocol made me step back
  and maintain a semblance of

  nothing unusual

  and I hoped my cheeks
  weren’t flaming

  and that my heartbeat
  wasn’t as audible
  to everyone else
  as it was
  
  to me.

  I moved away
  across the room

  and I pretended
  - that my every nerve
  wasn’t alive to your
  movements…
  - that my ears
  weren’t attuned to the nuances of your
  voice
  even if I couldn’t hear your words from the distance…
  - that my
  eyes
  weren’t following you in my peripheral vision…

  - that I wasn’t aware of where you were
  at every moment.

  So much time
  so close
  trying to hold up
  that invisible wall…

  I had to step outside
  just to gather myself together.

  I leaned over the stone porch railing,
  closed my eyes,
  and deeply breathed the cool, night air.

  but when I stood up
  you were there
  right behind me

  and I felt myself melting

  I didn’t know if I could handle
  another
  encounter that close,
  and you heard me
  audibly, quietly
  whimper
  
  trying to hold myself together.

  I knew it was you.
  every inch of your warmth
  insanely aroused
  every
  part of me

  but I couldn’t turn.

  One look into your eyes
  and
  I knew I would get lost.

  I knew this.
  You knew this.

  Your hands,
  lightly resting on my hips
  I could sense were
  itching
  to hold me tighter
  to turn me around
  to run over every inch of me
  but
  
  They were staying where they were
  writing a symphony on me,
  and in
  me,
  instead.

  My mind was caught
  between

  “Not here! Someone will see!”
       and
  “Please! Don’t ever let
  go!”

  “Turn around,”
  you said hoarsely into my hair,
  with your hands on my
  waist
  making me crazy.

  My head leaned back
  and I gasped with need.

  Needing you.
  Oh my god
  Needing you more than I thought possible.

  “I can’t,” I choked.
  “If I do, I won’t let go”

  and it was your turn to
  groan in hunger.

  I felt your fingers
  tighten their grip on my waist,
  and then release
  me,

  and your absence
  made me weep.

  So much time
  so close
  trying to hold up
  that invisible wall…

  I made myself look out
  over the lake,
  into the mountains in the
  distance,
  reflecting the bright moonlight

  and then I hung my head,
  and felt the tears fall silently
  for what I had to give up.

  But protocol made me step back
  and maintain a semblance of

  nothing unusual

  When I returned inside
  you were gone
  and I could not bring myself to
  stay.

  Without you
  it had all turned to gray.

  ©drc 2007

  • 10:47 am
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